Dear Diary
I have not yet TRULY forgiven my parents.
This entry will be a bit all over the place because that is how I feel at the moment as I try and put all of these thoughts down onto paper in a very real way. I hope people will comprehend the insight I am looking to share through a cluster of feelings, conversations that have been had between friends, experiences, a WHOLE LOT of frustration, resentment, anger, hurt, pain, time and DESIRE to claim a life back.
Pieces of the puzzle have started to look better, actually REALLY beautiful, life has begun to reflect these parts of light that are now shinning through more then EVER BUT the core of the PAIN is still in play. What is THAT thing that lives in my chest and feels like a gapping whole of RAGE? Im so good at making EXCUSES and covering it up, telling myself a half true story of what the reality is in my heart. Painting a really pretty picture that inspires me and others. BUT what is the MISSING PIECE???? Well here’s what I know . . .
I will never fully mature if I allow my parents mistakes more power then my own light. I will never take a full breath IN without pain unless I DECIDE that I deserve it. I will NEVER SEE WHAT I AM FULLY MADE OF unless I ALLOW IT. I will never see the full ABUNDANCE of my spirit unless I put my spirit into my own LIFE b/c I believe that I belong. I will never “get over it” unless I DECIDE THERE ARE NO MORE EXCUSES.
Even ME . . . I find that I have EXCUSES!! My excuses don’t work for me anymore and they certainly don’t work for the people around me. I am tired of living half-ass . . . one foot in, one foot out. It just DOESN’T WORK FOR ME ANYMORE! I have had a taste of what I can do and now it pisses me off that I would have EVER settled for less. SHAME ON ME for keeping my PURPOSE from the world. I have been READY for years now but CLEARLY not completely 
! There comes a time when we ARE truly READY to go there because we run out of EXCUSES and we start to sound ridiculous even to ourselves. I’ve done THE WORK, I have explored many lands and broken through MASSIVE FEARS! It has come to the point in my own life as I feel it has for many pioneers and seekers in this world to CROSS THE BARRIER to TRUE HAPPINESS . . . the soul and the material world in Harmony, The personality and the spirit in bliss . . . TO STEP INTO THE LIFE THAT YOU WERE BORN TO LIVE AND FULLY!
To forgive to is LIVE, To accept is to LOVE, To LET GO is to be FREE.
When I think of WHAT is holding ME BACK from a world of HARMONY . . . all I see is a little space in me that has refused to LET GO, refused to grow up and refused to FORGIVE. When we reach this point of being DONE . . . we are DRIVEN to WAKE UP to the FACT that we can NOT LIE TO OURSELVES. . . it is our own fault because of the EXCUSES!! We hold the ability to stop the excuses and allow ourselves to FULLY LIVE! The ABUNDANCE we speak of is WITHIN. The BLOCKS to this abundance is also within. Let This WAKE YOU UP to your OWN EMPOWERMENT! I speak today with a lot of passion. . . we all have parents, childhoods, situations, this is life . . . . . . but if we are lucky enough we also have CHOICE!
My message today is NO MORE EXCUSES! WHEN WE BECOME AWARE, IT IS OUR OWN FAULT AND OUR OWN CHOICE TO CHOOSE FREEDOM AND HAPPINESS OR ALLOW THE CHAINS OF IMMATURITY to run any part of our world. . .
On a personal note, I have taken too long to grow up in some ways So I am proclaiming to the U
niverse today that I have changed my mind
FLOWING OVER! ALL in and nothing less . . . I believe this is what they mean by “Abundance”.
~Namaste~
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